Run
Obsession is a word that indicates admission, almost shame, but not all obsessions are bad. For example my sister obsesses about her teeth, brush, floss, mouthwash, everyday, twice-a-day at least. I too have a healthy obsession—running. I wake up in the morning and fall asleep at night wondering when and where I will run. I see people run by as I make my way to class and wonder who they are, how much they run, where are they coming from, where are they going, are they training for something or just out for their fix of endorphins. I am not alone, ask any runner. Usually my obsession is enjoyable. After all, I would not be obsessed if it were something I hated; however, when I can not run is the only time I wished I were not obsessed with it. Every runner, or athlete, or human, has his fair share of injuries as I do right now which makes me wish my thoughts were consumed by something else. The less I run, the more I think about running.
When I can run, my thoughts are always indecisive about where and how far. Should I run up Green Mountain, along the Mesa Trail, up Sanitas, on the creek path, Bear Peak, South Boulder Peak, Shadow Canyon, etc.? When I am injured I suddenly realize that running lets me connect with the outdoors in a way nothing else can. I have seen bears, coyotes, hundreds of deer, hawks, eagles, owls, wild turkeys, and the beautiful flora that decorate the borders of the path. From beautiful beaches to rainforests to mountain trails to farm roads to urban streets, one can never be bored with the sights and sounds outside. I never listen to music when I run and do not even wear sunglasses because I feel like it takes away from the simplicity and connection to my surroundings. I have never understood people who would rather run inside on a treadmill. Riding a bike is fine, but I’m not a cyclist, nor is it legal, to bike on the trails I can run on. Also, I am not a mountain biker and prefer to ride on the roads, which means you have to ride for a much longer time in order to get the equivalent of a run. Hiking can be pretty close to running in terms of the outdoor interaction, but it also takes longer and, with my current injury, it is just as painful. Do not get me wrong though, cycling and hiking can be just as difficult, just as good exercise as running, but ultimately they are not running.
Running, for me, gains much of its appeal from my ability to control it. I am able to run as hard or easy, long or short, as I want. I am a very independent person and I do not like to rely on people. The only conflicts I have are with my own indecisiveness, but I would rather fight with myself than someone else. Most running days are not easy and I ask myself if the pain is worth it; then, like a fisherman finally reeling in the big one, I feel amazing and words cannot express the pure happiness and elation. Days like that keep every runner going, those moments when the obsession is fed and the fire burns a little stronger. Running as a sport has definitely seen a boom in popularity so there exists a plethora of information from books to blogs that consumes the time when I am sitting at home. I follow about five blogs of runners who live around town, so now that I am unable to run I can live vicariously through the ramblings of people I have never met. Reading the posts are a guilty pleasure much like watching reality TV or reading magazines. In other words, it is a waste of time. Minutes blow by that I could have used in a much more productive manner such as homework, cleaning, laundry, exercising, or running itself.
I am ready for my injury to heal, but I realize that my obsession with running is what caused it in the first place. I ignored the signs simply thinking I was being a wimp and needed to be tougher. Running, like many sports, is a little masochistic, the pain felt from an injury does not trigger any sense of pleasure. Aches are part of the game, until they get worse and you can not play any more. Similar to someone with an addiction, first comes the admission of the problem and then comes the acceptance of responsibility. As all the doctors and running magazines state, listen to your body. Hopefully I will learn to control my passion and obsession, enjoy it rather than become obliged to it. I know for a fact that I will not stop thinking about it all the time. I wish I knew how to turn off the thoughts, but unfortunately I am still looking for the switch.
(*the picture above was taken during one of my runs earlier this summer)
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