When it comes to writing, the subject always chooses its’ speaker. For example, on this very assignment I chose and analyzed every other prompt before “Writing in your life,” chose me. I was bouncing from topic to topic, and discarded each one due to anxiety of what they would reveal about me. The unease I felt about revealing myself in writing seemed the most important topic at the time. So I decided to recreate the experience of writing this assignment in order to reveal myself.
“A burning issue that consumes your thoughts now,” was the first topic I chose for today’s assignment. I immediately saw the topic as an opportunity to delve into my political views on the United States’ economy and the banking elite who seemingly controls it. I felt inclined to rant on about how the Federal Reserve needs to be shut down and sound money needs to be restored. I wanted to write about how all US military intervention overseas should cease immediately. Then I was faced with the fear of coming off as a radical or ignorant while reading my writing aloud. The fear I felt in revealing myself was preventing me from writing an honest paper. This thought alone was enough to push me toward the next topic.
In searching for the next topic, I stumbled across “an Obsession.” I didn't have to think long to come up with “an obsession” of mine. My mind is basically a mechanism that bounces from one obsession to the next. I thought about how I could delve into all of my hopes fears and passions through the same racing syntax that my mind uses. But then I was faced with an issue that constantly comes up in my mind. In a sea of ideas, how does one sift out the bullshit? In writing, succinct progression is key. If I were to speak openly about an obsession, I would race from thought to thought and come off as…myself I guess. I felt there was no way this flatters a reader. Writing should be a way to take the things I am obsessed with and focus them in a positive manner. By speaking of an obsession I felt I would be too revealing. Therefore, I continued skimming the assignment for a “safer” topic.
“An epiphany,” “An event that left you feeling at a loss for words,” and “A place for which you hold an immense attachment,” immediately brought me down a dark road in my search for safety. All of these topics remind me of my friend Eric’s death this summer. As a filmmaker and frequent attendee of cocktail parties, I have found that the sad stuff usually doesn't go over so well with an audience. One really has to put themselves out there and try their hardest not to disrespect the heavy topic while at the same time searching for truth. This is not a simple feat and is usually something best worked out in therapy rather than on a sheet of paper. For me, writing is a way to organize the concepts you are close to being sure about. Death and suicide are basically concepts that no living being can fully understand, so it is quite hard to write about such topics without sounding trite. Whether this is a coward’s tactic or not I decided to move on to the topic of writing itself.
I realized the best way to describe what writing means to me was to describe the fears I felt about writing. Through my anguish over this very assignment, I was able to see what my hang-ups with writing were really about. In a way, revealing these hang-ups seemed the best way to reveal my thoughts about the written word. It is calming to be able to rework a small stress in my life and have it there staring me back on paper. Hopefully this exercise wasn’t for my benefit alone.
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